Monday, May 2, 2011

The Santa Clause

It's that time of year again. Snow is falling, evergreen trees are scared for their lives, parents are regretting having children, and numerous reindeer will die in a red-nose transplant surgery gone horribly wrong. CHRISTMAS!
I apologize for the previous paragraph, I just consulted a calendar and found out that Christmas isn't for like eight months. Well I've come too far now, I'm going to run with it.
The Christmas season is great for movies because it's a time when movie studios pump out 90 minutes of anything Christmas-related then market the hell out of it for a couple of weeks so kids yell and scream at their parents to take them to see it. But this is more of a recent trend. Back in the good ol' days there weren't a superfluous amount Christmas movies. There was no Deck the Halls and Christmas with the Kranks (Not Tim Allen's best Christmas movie) in the mid-1990s.
To my knowledge (which isn't saying a whole lot) there weren't many Christmas blockbusters before The Santa Clause in 1994 (I guess Home Alone falls under the category too). The movie grossed over $189 million when it was released. Although, this was at the time when Tim Allen was the Tool Man and one of the most popular television actors ever.
People wanted to see the Tool Man in a fat suit- plain and simple. But not just any fat suit, a fat suit designed to look like Santa Claus.
In the creatively titled movie The Santa Clause, Tim Allen becomes Santa Claus. He has just gone through a messy divorce and is growing apart from his son. But then the real Santa Claus takes a spill while on the Tool Man's roof, so now he has to finish the job.
But wait, he's not going to know how to drive the sled!
That's what's so funny about! HAHA
The Tool Man is in fairly good shape though. How can he match Santa's famous gut?
He magically gains weight of course. That's what happens in these situations.
I refuse to believe that he can grow a white beard like Santa's. There's no way!
Wrong again! The Tool Man grows a beard at a rapid pace. Plus his beard makes him look so manly that the Brawny Man quivers in fear every time they see each other.
But won't all of these mysterious changes negatively affect the Tool Man's performance at work?

They sure will. But that's just part of the fun. Ruining a man's career is always a good thing.
The Tool Man tries to put all the craziness on the back-burner when his wife threatens to take full custody over their son. He tries to explain to her that he is Santa Claus and cannot control what was happening. I can't believe she didn't believe him.
Of course, in the end the Tool Man still gets to see his son, and he saves Christmas in the process. Then the Tool Man does what he does best, grunt!

*This will by my last post of the semester. Hopefully it won't be the last post ever.