Monday, April 11, 2011

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie


Oh no! There's trouble in Angel Grove once again. Who will save us?!
If only there were six semi-culturally diverse teenagers who have exceptional martial arts skills and an unlimited amount of resources who can come to our aid.
Well, even though that was an incredibly specific wish I just asked for, it seems to have been granted in the form of six teenagers. However, these are no ordinary teens. They're not wearing braces and getting embarrassed because their voices keeps cracking. These teens have the toughness to make Schwarzenagger (circa 1988) look like a frightened child, and have the looks to make A.C. Slater (circa 1989-present) look like an ugly frightened child. That saying, "If looks could kill" does not apply to them, simply because they don't need their looks to kill. Their fists and feet will handle all of the untimely deaths a person could hope for.
The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are the total package. And in the appropriately named film, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, they prove why. The movie begins with a charity skydiving scene in which the Rangers jump out of a plane and entertain the large crowd on the ground. You know, normal things for people who aren't old enough to vote to be doing.
But then something happens that is not very normal...a giant egg is unearthed and no one knows what's inside. The egg is appropriately guarded by two men who appear to not have graduated elementary school, and roped off with a strand of caution tape. How could anyone possibly get to that egg?
Well of course Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa quickly knock out the guards and crack open the egg. They even bring along their faithful companions, Porky Pig and Blue Wolf Man. Zedd dramatically cracks open the egg, and the evilest s.o.b. this world has ever seen pops out: Ivan Ooze. Ivan sniffs around and smells something odd...teenagers! A battle quickly ensues.
We come to learn that Ivan once tried to enslave the entire universe 6,000 years ago, but was stopped by Zordon (who just so happens to employ the Power Rangers). Ivan is your stereotypical villain: purple, alien-like face, and the ability to turn into ooze. He also has plenty of classic lines throughout the film, in addition to a fantastic wizard costume.
The movie kicks into full gear when Ivan penetrates the Ranger's home base (or whatever they call it) and nearly kills Zordon. The Rangers travel to an island and encounter bird men, and deadly dinosaur skeletons, but they also get new powers.
Ivan makes every adult into a zombie by manufacturing, promoting and selling his ooze. I'm sure he could of had a very honest and successful career as a small business owner or low-level product inventor. He probably would have invented the Snuggie years ago.
Then there's a crazy battle at the end, and in a big upset the Rangers defeat Ivan and his cronies and send him packing.
Now they can go back to their charity skydiving events like normal teenagers.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Air Bud

What are the components that make up a fantastic kid's movie?
You will probably guess a talking cowboy, or a lion cub witnessing his father's death. Well I hate to say it, but you're wrong. The recipe for success is simple:

-Adorable child/children
-Underdog sports team
-Adorable pet/animal(s)
-Drunken abusive clown

Notice anything about this list? That's right, the film Air Bud has all of these crucial components. But Air Bud combines all of the elements into a seamless package of children's movie glory.
You have your adorable child/main character as a boy who does not have any friends and is too shy to go out and meet people. The audience can sympathize with Josh because he is visibly sad. Sad children=easy to sympathize with. I think Josh is upset because a wheel on his skateboard fell off. It's either that or because his dad suddenly passed away then his family moved to a different town. I'm not totally positive which one though.
Then you have two of the four elements wrapped into one. The adorable pet (Buddy) is owned by a drunken abusive clown (Drunken Abusive Clown). The D.A.C. uses Buddy as part of his act while he entertains children at birthday parties. At one party Buddy does not bring his A-game, so the D.A.C. locks Buddy in a kennel and drives him to the pound. But luckily for Buddy and the plot of the movie, the kennel falls off the truck and Josh finds his new best friend.
Naturally, Josh discovers that Buddy can ball. I got cut from the 8th grade basketball team but that dog is a basketball her0 for making a 6-foot jump shot? Unacceptable! I don't care if he has hands or not.
So Josh joins the school's basketball team and Buddy becomes the team's mascot/halftime entertainment . And what do ya know, the team starts winning some games. It could be because Josh and Buddy brought a new energy to the squad, or because the team got a new coach. It just so happens that a former NBA player worked in the school as a janitor or something. Arthur Chaney steps in as the new coach and turns the program around.
The reason the team needed a new coach was because Josh caught the old coach repeatedly throwing basketballs at a teammate. Not the most effective coaching method (fast forward to 5:30, and I hope whoever reads this understands Spanish).
Josh's team needs a new player for the championship game so Buddy steps in. I guess the league never made a rule against a golden retriever playing basketball. Of course, Buddy helps the team to a comeback victory- that's the underdog (pun very much intended) sports team element.
Then the D.A.C. comes back to get custody of Buddy, but the court rules that Buddy gets to decide who he will live with. Buddy jumps on the D.A.C. causing him to take a hard fall, then chooses Josh. I guess that dog can stand up for what is right in the world, and hit jump shots. I'm sure Buddy would have made my school's 8th grade basketball team.